I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
