I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
whose parrot is this?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
