Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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