Hey man sorry I got all grabby
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
