Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
