Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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