I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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