I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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