I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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