mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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