chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
