I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
