But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
