I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
