Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
