tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
