Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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