Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
