my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize