a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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