omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
