i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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