Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
we should paint friendship bongs
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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