Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
