There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
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I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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