So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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