Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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