I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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