and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
