Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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