I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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