do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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