he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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