But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
