matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
