It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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