she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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