plz talk dirty to me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
