I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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