Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
