I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
