anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
