So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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