I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
