omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
