I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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