I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
