normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
