I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
