So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
