Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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