My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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