I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
