Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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