Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ketchup is God's man juice
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
