Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
