Soap is not a condiment
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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