I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
