I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Small penises have feelings too.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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