Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I want is dick and wine.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
