I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
