I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
