so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
