When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
