I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
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he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
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In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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