i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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